Being an introvert and a little too comfortable being an introvert, I don’t make friends easily. The raging case of RBF I’ve had since who knows when doesn’t help.
So I’ve been a little taken aback at how many friends I’ve made in this singles group. I’m just not generally the type to reach out to others. I always look around a room and think everyone is better looking, more entertaining or smarter; so I figure who would want me to send them a friend request? Thankfully this group has decided not to stand on any kind of ridiculous formality, and they’ve reached out to me, or I’d still be hiding in my cozy little hidey hole.
I’ve had to grow and stretch and learn to be a bit more social of a social introvert, and it’s good for me. Not always comfortable, but I have to admit I needed to do some growing and stretching.
There’s one friend I’ve made that has restored me in ways others couldn’t. Probably because we’re alike in many ways. We are both people who deeply care about others, we see the best in them, are nurturing and protective, probably to a fault. We both have a dark side, and neither of us is afraid of it. We just choose not to cultivate it. But it’s there, and can be called upon if the need arises. Since we don’t live in a preschool storybook, sometimes the need arises. But there is a peacefulness to be had when you acknowledge your darkness while choosing the light. You know that you have the tools to do what needs doing, but you also know you needn’t fear getting carried away or taking up permanent residence, because the light truly is where your heart lives.
But we humans tend to fear darkness, for good reason. Not everyone with a dark side chooses the light, or uses it for a greater purpose. There aren’t many Gray Jedi, there are too damn many Sith. So those of us with a dark side tend to hide it. Some for nefarious reasons, but for the two of us, it’s really not representative of who we are, so why go advertising a side of us 99% of people will never see?
But this is the power of those kindred spirit friendships. When the parts of you that are too vulnerable or protected to show, and you recognize that in each other. It’s a heady feeling to let your hair down and just admit the truth. Not with words, but with the things you don’t skirt around. The things you own, unflinchingly. Particularly when that other soul is such a beautiful one.
When you feel lost and you aren’t sure if up is still up or if right has suddenly become left, finding someone to join you in your center is such a relief.